Tips for parents
Already for a few months of the year, our children know about the war that affected ours
country, they hear and watch information on TV and in
Internet, they are witnesses of terrible events, our conversations, they watch like adults
prepare for new challenges, and, above all, children feel fear for themselves
and their loved ones.
Fear and terror are emotions that accompany us and our children now. But
children are especially sensitive, they cope with acceptance worse than adults
threats and a feeling of not understanding what is happening around them.
To make it easier for children to find their place in the "new reality" and
to help them overcome stress, it is necessary to provide them with wise information in
overcoming fear and anxiety.
To help - we share knowledge and experience
psychologist on how to answer difficult questions for children and help them
overcome fear
To help your child:
→ start the conversation by asking how she feels, what she thinks:
Tell me, how do you feel when everyone is worried about the war?
What is happening around us lately is very difficult for us too
it can be hard to deal with…
Do you feel sad or afraid when you hear about war?
What worries you the most?
→ name the child's emotions, do not underestimate them, show the child
understanding and that you accept her feelings:
It's natural to worry, I think about it too.
Now all people are afraid, but we will cope with this fear.
→ provide information in an age- and sensitivity-appropriate manner
child, use understandable words and examples from fairy tales,
movies, games that the child knows
→ do not hide facts, do not provide false information,
allow questions to be asked and answered (even if
questions are repeated several times)
→ preschool children need information about what parents
will take care of them
→ schoolchildren need more explanations, opportunities to express themselves
concerns, thoughts, considerations
→ examples of answers to difficult questions:
Why is there a war? - It often happens that the leaders of two countries start to quarrel
because of something, they cannot come to an agreement peacefully, they enter into a fight for help
their troops and weapons. It happens that one country attacks another, wants something from it
"take away" and the soldiers of this country, which is attacked, have to defend
your country This is what happened in Ukraine.
How long will the war last? - I don't know, but they always feel like it
relief after difficult events; people who are currently suffering from war
someday they will live happily ever after. Our country is protected by soldiers, and they
will do everything possible to win.
→ express your opposition to war, explain that war is evil and nothing
justifies the people who cause it
→ give the child hope for a better future, for the establishment of peace
- Military and political leaders will find a way to end the war as soon as possible
less harm, there are ways to resolve conflicts peacefully.
→ encourage your child to think: If you were the president, how would you solve this problem without using violence? → plan activities that will help those affected, but also give the child a sense of influence in the situation, help relieve anxiety through activities (eg preparing food packages, toys together) → provide ways to cope with anxiety (playing, drawing, visualizing, breathing, talking)
EXAMPLES OF OVERCOMING FEAR FOR YOUNGER CHILDREN:
─ During the game, conversation, say: Imagine that fear is a small thing
a creature that sits by your ear and tells you to be afraid; draw
him. You can fight him, chase him away, throw him away, hide him.
Let's throw it in the trash.
─ A magic spell for fear (come up with a funny verse that will work
as a spell and will provoke a physical movement / distraction / - "jump,
click and the fear is gone"
─ An assistant in the fight against fear (a soft toy, an amulet that is needed
hold in hand)
─ Offer to make a drawing-project of a robot that will end the war without
weapons and murders
EXAMPLES OF OVERCOMING FEAR FOR OLDER CHILDREN:
─ explain in conversation:
I know you don't like it, but I also know you can handle it.
It's okay to be afraid. I'm worried too, so it'll be a worry for now,
but we will manage.
─ simple visualization: imagine that difficult thoughts are like black clouds, they
decrease, pass, they can be driven away
─ help the child "change" the content of his thoughts (dangerous events
happen, but I can deal with those thoughts)
─ breathing exercise (below)
- it should be slow and gentle
- twice a day for a few minutes
- the goal is to breathe slowly, lifting the stomach
- exhalation should last longer than inhalation
"Lie comfortably. close your eyes
Place one hand on your stomach and the other on your chest.
The hand on the chest should remain motionless, the hand on the stomach should
rise and fall with the breath.
Breathe in through the nose - the stomach should rise.
Count to three (one-two three), thinking about peace (exhaling
vowels). Exhale through your mouth, your stomach will slowly drop in time
exhalation".
→ increase children's sense of security:
- remind them that the most important thing for you is that you love them
- make sure that you will always be with them (even if not in person, you
will beand communication by phone)
- establish with the child specific ways of signaling fear
(for example, with words, pictures, gestures)
- to discuss problems in the child's closed moments
- inform about future events if possible
- to create situations in which the child can get a positive experience
removal of negative emotions, praise for overcoming fear
- talk about your own emotions and ways to deal with them
→ try to follow the daily rhythm of the child's day, remember
about her favorite ways of spending time, meeting with peers
→ also talk to the child about other topics, discuss other events
→ help the child to distract himself, take something concrete (draw,
build with blocks, design a super car that will finish
war)
→ limit access to tragic news, viewing photos (fights,
destruction, despair of people), not to talk about danger in the presence
children
→ explain to the child that false information can appear on the Internet
information that not everything we read is true
→ tell family members and friends how the child explained the current one
the situation (to avoid disagreements); encourage the older generation
do not talk about your past experiences in a way that exacerbates the fear
→ try not to make the child worry (for example, me
I am very worried about what we will do); if you yourself strongly
worry, take care of your emotions, talk to someone of yours
relatives or with a psychologist
→ observe the child's behavior, pay attention to sudden:
• behavioral changes (reduced activity or excitement, sadness, thoughts,
increased tearfulness, outbursts of anger, quarrels, denials are not characteristic
for a younger child
• respond adequately to situations, for example, sudden crying or shouting from
"just cause"
• sleep problems (difficulty falling asleep, restless sleep, frequent
waking up at night, nightmares)
• psychosomatic pains in the stomach and head, a feeling of shortness of breath
If your child's anxiety reactions last too long (more than two
weeks) or are very strong (they dominate the child's behavior,
disorganize her everyday life) - the child is necessary
consult a psychologist or child psychiatrist, as well as in case
detection of a diagnosis of anxiety disorders - start treatment
therapeutic.
